It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
