Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
