I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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