life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
