bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
only you would photoshop your dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
