Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is my gift to your gina
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
