I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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