I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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