I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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