So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
