fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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