You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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