meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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