nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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