I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't EVER smell your tampon
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
