yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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