ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
