people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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