I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
