96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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