Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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