: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
