I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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