He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
