she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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