Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
