Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
