What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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