Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
