Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
