Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
