theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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