i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Less talking, more tequila
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is Oprah even human
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
