Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
