I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
