AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
