my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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