Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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