I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
