i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
