I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
