I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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