Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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