The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize