Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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