please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i think i just lost a toe
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
