I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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