stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
