I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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