my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
