He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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