No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
