I take back everything I said about communal showers
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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