I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My pussy is not your playground.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
