I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
