Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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