Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This house was built for laser tag.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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