we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
