weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
