Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
