I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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