i jhust puked up my retainher.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
