Jerry, you need to find god
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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