remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
