He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
