my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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