my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
