wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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