Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
