i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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