Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
