no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
