Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
